"When a father spends significant amounts of time in contact with his infant, oxytocin encourages him to become more involved in the ongoing care in a self-perpetuating cycle." - Palmer, L.
Phew! Once again another action packed week of discoveries. I've been taking lessons and reading my book #1 (of 6) during lunchtimes, naps with E, while making dinner, and at night as E is falling asleep. It's working out well other than viasat internet being horrendous (don't ever get satellite unless you have no choice!). Below are some highlights from this week's lessons.
I learned the nuances around rhythm vs schedules and because every baby and family is unique - there is no set schedule that will be perfect for every baby at the same age. I remember staring that those schedules online last summer. E never fell into any of them. I remember second-guessing if following E's natural pace is right because these schedules said something else. I felt a little affirmation after this week's lesson.
One lesson particularly resonated with me that I then talked to my partner C about. It's about involving Dad and your village. Although C is actively involved and available for our needs, I control the majority of things-E. Daily activity planning, entertainment, well slept and cleaned, health research & planning, dinner planning & prep for all 3 of us. Now I am not complaining; I am in this to win this. However, I need better focus on self-care while Dad focuses on one-on-one time with E, creating new bonds and special memories together (without me!). I realize now after this week's lesson how its important in more than the obvious reasons, including allowing her to not feel so life-and-death terrified when I go to the bathroom (although separation anxiety is totally normal in baby's development at this age). And the oxytocin released by mom and dad when bonding with baby is incredible. The timing of dad-baby bonds being within the first 3 months is helpful because this is the time where babies are indiscriminately attached. After four months of age they tend to distinguish the primary caregiver but will continue to accept care from others. Involving dad early on helps babe accept care from others.
Routines are a great time to involve dad from day one. Creating a peaceful bedtime routine, a bath, pj's, a song, a book, any of these can allow that special strong connection and will allow dad to feel more confident in the tasks he does daily and feel like he is able to help.
I learned more about the benefits to infant massage. I massaged E in her early months especially because I wanted her to feel comfortable and wanted that bonding-comfort time, I knew it can help with weight gain in preterm infants. The Touch Research Institute dedicated to studying the effects of touch therapy has conducted numerous studies confirming the facilitation of weight gain in preterm infants, oxytocin release from skin to skin contact, enhances attentiveness, alleviates depressive symptoms, reduces pain, reduces stress hormones, and improves immune function. According to NIH, mothers who have breastfed for several weeks had lower blood pressure, lower stress reactivity, than woman of the same age who are not pregnant or breastfeeding. They are also calmer and more socially inclined. There is a reduced risk of certain kinds of cardiovascular disease and also of diabetes type 2 many years after the end of breastfeeding in mothers who breastfed for long periods of time.
I learned more about the latest findings of deeper (unnatural) sleep and neurologic & sensory consequences to swaddling. This is a loaded topic and may not be an easy feat for parents to skip the swaddle. However this additional perspective and insight will be shared with new caregivers that I talk to so that they are also empowered with this knowledge and take it from there with solutions.
Lastly as Maya Angelou says, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better". That is where I am headed.
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